“I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire…”
Online dating can be fun and safe with a little bit of planning, care and caution. Someone looking to make a genuine online connection will be open and honest. They will have consistency in what they say and do and they will be happy to chat at different times of the day. Statistics show that 84% of people are actually looking for a romantic connection online, but having said that, you need to take care. Not everyone is genuine.
If you want to try online dating, browse some of the apps and websites that offer the service and make sure you feel comfortable with the users, photos and language. Check out the settings first. How easy is it to remove a picture? How can you delete a profile? Can you edit your details? What is the site’s policy on harassment? If you are going onto a paid dating site, what is their policy with regards to renewing the contract? Do they deduct money from your account automatically even if you don’t wish to continue? It is important to learn all of this first, including the art of how to block someone, how to delete your profile if you don’t feel safe and how to spot the “bad eggs” that are out there. Remember that people looking to manipulate others can be either male or female.
Men, please don’t make the mistake thinking that being cautious when dating online only applies to women. There are many women out there looking to scam men, just as there are men looking to scam women. Lonely, vulnerable people are everywhere and an opportunist will study the situation well. If you are ever in doubt, BLOCK.
Cheaters are often married or in a relationship but are looking for something outside their current relationship. Most of them will not be honest with you, their availability to chat will be limited and the fact that half way in the middle of a conversation they stop texting because it seems like someone walked in on them, should raise raise flags. They are often available to chat during the day, but in the evening time they are offline. They may not share contact details preferring to keep the contact on the site. Be wary of these kind of people if you are looking for an exclusive relationship.
Players are just after something casual so they play the field. They often feature on many dating sites at the same time. They are frequently unavailable, often citing lame excuses, especially on a Friday or Saturday night when most unattached available people go out on a date. They are always busy, going out with friends, hobbies etc, but remember you when it suits their interest. They may contact you late at night for a “booty call” and if that is what you want then fine, go for it, but if it is not, then stay clear of people like that.
Predators come in two separate types on dating sites. The first type is looking for a short-term partner. They are likely to abuse you mentally or sexually for a while and then move on to the next victim. The other type may try to use you to connect to your children or groom them for sex, something that is every parent’s worst nightmare. Don’t disclose any kind of information about your children, until you know the person well enough in real life. Don’t post any pictures of your children on any of your profile pictures. In the modern age of social networking, cyber shopping, and online banking, the online predator, who is a criminal and is out to take advantage of every avenue available to him/her, will browse online dating profiles searching for his next victim.
Profile liars create just that. Their profile is full of lies. They lie about everything. Their age, their job qualifications, their looks, their hobbies and their interests. The use disguises to appear attractive and perhaps are even delusional about their validity and maybe are just desperate to attract people. Remember, if at any time you feel uncomfortable about anyone online, just move on.
Scammers are most likely to deceive you in helping them with something financially. Internet scammers are everywhere these days. From fake online stores, to products that will guarantee your wealth! They are also on dating sites and are likely to prey on your emotions and on your vulnerability. They could possibly ask you for money, often saying they are stranded somewhere and need money to get out of a sticky situation. At the beginning they are charming, telling you everything you want to hear. They know how to create an emotional connection and then they take advantage. Please remember this applies to men as well as women.
Please click here to read my article on ‘How Controlling and Manipulative Relationships Work’. You will learn the tactics predators and scammers use to associate with you, create an emotional connection and finally take advantage of you.
Tips For Safer Online Dating
- Don’t use your real name as your profile name. Limit the amount of personal information you share with someone online, until you meet them offline.
- Use a different profile photo to any other photo of you that you use for anything else on social media. This protects you if they decide to do a photo search of you.
- Take your time getting to know someone online first before you move to the next stage. Ask plenty of questions and make sure you feel comfortable. If they are evasive with answers or constantly try to take you off the site, move on. Trust your gut. Learning to block is your new best friend!
- Don’t EVER EVER give your banking details, personal details, or give any money to ANYONE, ever online. Scammers can be sincerely charming when they want something.
- Only add them as a friend on social media when you really trust them and when you have met them in the real world.
- If you decide to meet someone, stay cautious and meet them in a public place.
- Have a back-up plan. Arrange with a friend to call you half way in the middle of a first date so you can, if necessary, find an excuse to leave suddenly.
- Report suspicious online profiles or scammers to the site.
- Men need to understand that there are women out there who are looking to scam too. Beautiful photoshopped pictures of women who in reality look nothing like that can be tempting, but eventually what matters is the person behind the profile.
- Consistency is key. When you chat to a person you have never met before on a regular basis, consistency says a lot about them as you get to know them. Do they wake up the same time every day? Go to work the same time every day? Do they do regular every day things like go to the gym at a regular time, take the dog for a walk at a regular time etc? You are looking for consistency. That shows that they are a regular person with a regular life and are hopefully online looking for a genuine connection.
“It is not the mark of an educated mind to give personal banking details to a stranger via text…”