“HEALING REQUIRES FACING WHAT WE WOULD RATHER AVOID, BECAUSE THE CURE FOR THE PAIN, IS THE PAIN”
In modern culture, we are often told to “Just let it go.” Whether it’s frustration from a bad day, the sting of rejection, or the ache of grief, the common advice is to release our emotions quickly and move forward. But there is a subtle problem hidden in this approach.
Emotions do not vanish simply because we want them to. If anything, suppressing or denying them makes them stronger, often manifesting later in ways that feel out of proportion or misplaced.
This is where the phrase, “To release a feeling, you must feel the feeling” carries its psychological weight.
At its core, this idea points to the paradox of emotions. They say, “The only way out is through.” To truly free ourselves from the grip of anger, sadness or fear, we must first allow ourselves to fully experience those emotions in a conscious and compassionate way.
What Does It Mean to “Feel the Feeling”?
- To feel a feeling is not the same as wallowing in it or becoming consumed by it. Instead, it means giving yourself permission to notice, name and experience the emotion without judgment or suppression.
- Psychologists often describe emotions as energy in motion. They are bodily responses that rise, peak and naturally fall if they are not resisted. When we avoid them, we interrupt this cycle.
- The body holds onto the tension and the mind circles around unfinished business. This is why unresolved emotions often return as anxiety, irritability or even physical symptoms like fatigue or headaches.
- “Feeling the feeling” is the process of stepping into awareness, recognising what is happening in your inner world, experiencing it without avoidance and allowing it to complete its natural course.
Why We Resist Feeling Our Feelings
- Most people avoid their emotions not out of weakness, but out of conditioning. From a young age, we are taught to be strong and to stop crying. These messages, while well-intentioned, often give us the impression that emotions are dangerous or inconvenient.
- Culturally, certain emotions are labelled as negative or unacceptable. Anger may be seen as destructive, sadness as weakness and fear as irrational. As a result, people push these feelings aside, distracting themselves with work, entertainment or substances. While these coping mechanisms provide temporary relief, they do not resolve the underlying emotions.
- The paradox is that the more we resist an emotion, the more power it gains. Unfelt feelings can turn into rumination, stress or even long-term patterns of avoidance that shape how we relate to others.
How to Apply “Feel the Feeling” in Everyday Life
- Pause and Notice: The first step is awareness. When an uncomfortable emotion arises, instead of immediately distracting yourself, pause. Ask: What am I feeling right now? Where is it showing up in my body?
- Name the Emotion: Neuroscience research suggests that simply labelling an emotion, “I feel angry,” “I feel sad,” “I feel anxious” etc. reduces the intensity of the experience. Naming validates the feeling and gives it a container.
- Allow It to Exist: This is the hardest part. Allow the emotion to be present without rushing to change it. You might feel a wave of heaviness in your chest or tension in your shoulders. Instead of resisting, breathe into it. Let it unfold.
- Express Safely: Sometimes emotions need an outlet. This could mean journaling, speaking with a trusted friend, moving your body through exercise or even crying. Expression is a form of release.
- Reflect and Learn: After the intensity has passed, ask yourself: What was this emotion trying to tell me? Emotions carry information about our needs, boundaries and values. Anger may signal injustice. Sadness may signal a need for comfort. Fear may highlight a desire for safety.
Moving Forward: The Liberation of Feeling
When you allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, something remarkable happens. They lose their grip on you. Instead of carrying repressed anger for years or drowning in hidden grief, you experience the emotion in its raw state and then let it pass.
This does not mean you will never feel pain again. Life will always bring challenges, but it does mean you will not carry old wounds as invisible baggage. By practicing emotional presence, you create space for resilience, clarity and growth.
In relationships, this practice allows you to respond rather than react. In personal growth, it helps you stay authentic and aligned. And in day-to-day life, it keeps you from numbing yourself to the richness of human experience.
In Conclusion
“To release a feeling, you must feel the feeling” is more than a phrase. It is an invitation to live fully. It reminds us that healing does not come from suppression but from presence. To feel is to honour our humanity. To release is to reclaim our freedom.
By daring to sit with our emotions instead of running from them, we break the cycle of avoidance and step into emotional liberation. The process may not always be comfortable, but it is profoundly freeing. In the end, our feelings are not obstacles to overcome, but doorways to greater understanding of ourselves.
“WHATEVER YOU RESIST, PERSISTS. WHATEVER YOU ACCEPT YOU CAN TRANSFORM, BECAUSE THE CAVE YOUR FEAR TO ENTER, HOLDS THE TREASURE THAT YOU SEEK”