“Separation anxiety is relieved by constant connection. Sometimes people live on social media to avoid the closed door of an empty bedroom and the screaming vacuum of an isolated mind”
Separation Anxiety Disorder is one of the most common childhood anxiety disorders. It is a type of mental health problem. All children feel a level of separation anxiety when they are young and that is normal. Most children between the ages of 18 months to 3 years are somewhat clingy. A child must have had symptoms of SAD for a minimum of four weeks for the problem to be considered and diagnosed as a separation anxiety disorder. A young child who has fears and worries that are not appropriate for their age, such as being apart from their family or their home could be considered symptomatic.
Modern experts believe that separation anxiety is caused by both biological and environmental factors. The potential to inherit the tendency is also a factor and it is most often an imbalance of two chemicals in the brain – norepinephrine and serotonin – that most likely play a part.
Children can also learn anxiety and fear from family members and while SAD happens equally in male and female children, traumatic events can also cause separation anxiety.
Symptoms of Separation Anxiety in children include:
- Refusing to sleep alone
- Repeated nightmares with a theme of being separated from the family
- Worries about the safety of family members
- Refusing to go to school
- Scared or unwilling to be alone
- Being clingy even when at home
- Panic when being separated from the parent or primary caregiver
“I literally have to remind myself all the time, that being afraid of things going wrong isn’t the way to make them go right”
Separation anxiety in adults is a cause not yet fully understood. While several childhood factors are thought to contribute to its development, including childhood trauma, genetics and neurochemistry, our attachment style and those with an insecure attachment are the ones most likely to develop the anxiety later on as an adult.
It normally takes a unique set of circumstances that lead to the development of the condition and for many people it is not easy to pinpoint the exact cause.
Separation anxiety is essentially a psychological condition and the symptoms of anxiety in adults mirror those of childhood, including unease and discomfort when separated from the person they are emotionally attached to. It is not uncommon for an adult to experience emotional distress, panic attacks and crying.
Additionally, adults who suffer from separation anxiety avoid being alone as the worry and fear tends to escalate, creating excessive, unrealistic, persistent and irrational thoughts.
Physical symptoms of separation anxiety include sweating, nausea, palpitations and quite often a shortness of breath.
Problems in relationships can occur when someone with separation anxiety may show signs of extreme jealousy and obsession with their partner. The fear of being abandoned coupled with the jealously, can arise to irrational fears of a partner’s faithfulness and can cause them to cling to a relationship, smothering the other person, by not wanting them to spend time away from them.
This can result in adults with separation anxiety clinging to toxic, abusive or unhealthy relationships simply out of fear of not wanting to be alone. They often stay in a relationship, to the detriment of their health. Being in a controlling and abusive relationship coincidentally has the potential to create separation anxiety simply because the toxicity of the relationships itself.
The diagnosis of separation anxiety in adults is often a subsidiary of a generalised anxiety disorder and assessment will come through an individual’s medical history. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders DSM-5 lists the diagnostic criteria to determine whether or not a person has a separation anxiety disorder and three or more of the following criteria would need to be met:
- Recurring excessive distress at the idea of separating from a loved one
- Persistent worry about harm to a loved one
- Obsessive thoughts about experiencing a traumatic event such as a kidnapping, having an accident or becoming lost
- Reluctance of refusal to leave the home
- Reluctance or refusal of being alone
- The fear and anxiety has to have been persistent for at least six months
- The issues are causing a major disruption to their life and those of their family
- The issues are not caused by any other mental disorder or psychiatric condition such as agoraphobia, delusions, hallucinations etc
How to deal with Separation Anxiety in adults:
- Psychotherapy such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help. This works by helping people identify their negative thoughts and behaviours and finding ways to challenge them
- Medication such as anti-anxiety or anti-depressants can help manage the symptoms.
- Changes in lifestyle such as learning relaxation techniques, mindfulness and eating a healthy diet is a good start. Exercise can also help to change the mindset and help reduce symptoms and create a more positive frame of mind.
“That’s the thing about separation anxiety, you don’t see it until someone shows it. A solo battle deep within, between trying to convince your mind that things will be better and fearing the consequences if they are not”