“Choosing to face our most difficult and challenging moments in life takes inner strength, vulnerability and bravery. But when we dare to be fearless and have the courage to fly, it’s then, only then, we will have the potential to take a chance at life and that’s when we will understand that the ability to change lies deep within ourselves and that there is no value reflecting on what was, but only focusing our energy on what is and what will be”
I am a Qualified Integrative Relationship Counselling Psychotherapist & Personal Development & Motivational Coach with over 15 years experience.
- Relationship Counsellor Psychotherapist DipHE University York St. John
- Emotional Intelligence Mst. Practitioner M. Inst. LM
- Emotion Focused Therapist (Cert) M. ICEEFT
- Personal Development & Professional Life Coach (Cert)
- Cognitive Behaviour Practitioner (Cert)
- Solution Based Counselling Practitioner (Cert) Accredited
- Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner (Cert) iGNLP (Associate) (ABNLP)
- Dating & Relationship Psychology
- Narcissistic Relationships
- Grief & Bereavement Counselling IAOTH (Accredited)
A divorced mother of two grown up children Melissa and Matthew, each one a professional in their chosen field of study. They are quite simply, together with my poodle Lily, the light of my life.
I was born in Gibraltar and have lived here mostly all of my life. Music is a huge passion of mine. I think Spotify is the best invention ever and you will often find me walking around Gibraltar with music in my ears taking Lily for a walk.
Having raised my children alone from when they were very young, I understand the dynamics of difficult relationships, the pain when things don’t work out and the need to start again and adapt to new situations and circumstances.
Fascinated with the concept of understanding human nature and having an absolute dedication to learning, my initial training began with the study of Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic theory of personality development.
A client centred approach in psychotherapy primarily aims towards fostering personality growth by helping individuals gain insight into values and behaviours, as well as acceptance of their feelings. While appreciative of the concepts of personality growth, it is also necessary to recognise what drives a person to want to make the change within that growth.
Dr Viktor Frankl, a Viennese Professor of Neurology and Psychiatry, known for his tremendous impact on humanity and who endured unspeakable horror in his three years in Auschwitz in the Nazi death camps, developed a revolutionary approach to psychotherapy known as Logotherapy, which is based on the premise that the primary motivational force of an individual, is their search for the meaning of life.
Dr Frankl believed that Logotherapy, a therapeutic approach, helps people find personal meaning in life by focusing on the future and in their ability to endure hardships and suffering in their search for happiness.
In his book entitled ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, Dr Frankl writes that, life has meaning under all circumstances, even in the most miserable ones. Having the freedom to find the meaning when faced with a situation of unchangeable suffering allows us to mature with a clear comprehension of our purpose.
Resilience, which is defined as the capacity to recover easily and quickly from unpleasant or difficult events, falls under the umbrella of Emotional Intelligence. It too, supports the deep belief of strongly held values that life is meaningful. In that search for our purpose, within the varying dimensions of life, we realise that the connective tissue is without doubt, our ability to relate.
This blog is about Relationships. The relationships you have with others, how to create them, nurture them, how to spot the toxic ones, how to heal from them, how to end them, the grief and process of loss when losing a loved one, and eventually how to learn to start dating again, through coming to terms with the inevitability of life while at the same time protecting your heart.
It’s also about the relationship you have with yourself and acceptance of who you are. It’s about having a vision, a powerful sense, which impacts every aspect of your life. Vision has the potential to captivate, stimulate and seduce you overwhelmingly. Having a vision which in effect is an act that combines insight and the capacity to know yourself and foresight into being able to understand the future, could be considered a roadmap of how you perceive your present relationship – including with yourself – to be and the potential it has to become.
Vision begins with an understanding that something is not quite right and ends with a determination that something has to change. Learning how to recognise the limits and parameters of the instruments of your perception, it allows you to explore the inner workings of your existence. Self-awareness can help you overcome challenges in life, assisting you in learning your motivational points. This supports you in turning a good thought into decisive, positive action, as well as allowing you to foster better relationships with others.
Trust and emotional security, which is the basis for any relationship, allows you to cultivate harmony and a deeper connection with others. Every relationship you form is an opportunity for your higher self to know itself better. The people you attract into your life are mirrors that reflect back your own beliefs, patterns and tendencies. Therefore when you enter a relationship, you gain learning experiences to see yourself more clearly, identify your strengths and weaknesses and are able to grow and evolve as a human being. In developing trust and a deepening emotional bond, you create a balance requiring that you honour yourself and others, that you give and take equally in any relationship and that you always strive for mutual respect and understanding. The journey in relationships can often be challenging, but having emotional security is hugely rewarding as you learn the lessons that can bring you closer to yourself and to each other.
I hope you enjoy reading this blog. It’s something I have wanted to do for quite some time. While on most occasions for ease of writing, the articles are based on a heterosexual relationship, but they are applicable to gay relationships too. Emotions are not gender based, though the particular gender of a person can affect how they perceive the issue at hand. At the end of the day emotional expression is primarily based on the individual person and their ability to give and receive through love, trust and the desire to present the best version of themselves possible.
More than anything what I want you to take from this is the understanding that relationships are the essence of life, hope is the companion of power and emotional integrity is the key to happiness. When seeking to change or develop oneself through therapy, different therapeutic approaches, interventions or techniques are used – part of the work of therapy consists of creating a space where all feelings can be discussed – what is extremely important however is the relationship between therapist and client. The ability to build trust and allow the client to feel safe is paramount to the success of the therapy. All of the different blogs have been written for you to read and therefore gain insight and understanding and in essence, help you to help yourself make real and lasting change.
In my own way, I too have had to learn to be brave. Nothing is forever, except change. Change has to come about when the present situation or circumstance you are in, is not acceptable. In a relationship if you feel you are not loved then you have to learn to walk away, no matter how much it hurts you in doing so. On a personal level, if there are aspects of yourself that you feel need to change, whether you want to learn to be motivated, lose weight, understand your trigger points, change direction in life, all of that is possible, you just need to learn to ask yourself, “How important does change really mean to me?” When we can let go of expectations and understand that we all have our flaws and imperfections, we can recognise that we are not defined by what others think or say. Nor are we defined by the past.
In building better relationships, including with ourself, we need to be mindful of our own strengths and weaknesses, know our emotional triggers and have the fortitude to change what is not working. That will allow us to look towards the future. We all have the potential to strive to be the best version of ourselves that we can. It takes time, it takes introspection and it takes honesty, but most of all it takes courage, and that comes from the heart.
“You are the light of my life and you mean everything to me”
